A little perspective

Every now and then you get a reminder of how easily everything can slip away. We had a little scare at school today and my immediate reaction was anger. This was the same reaction I had when a child brought a gun to school. It's like, how dare you threaten my safety because of your stupidity?! They don't realize that their actions effect over 1200 other people as well. It's amazing that a child can bring an entire school to a screeching halt and cause mass chaos. My second reaction was a mothering instinct (who knew I had it in me?) to protect my kids. My mind automatically went to, "Okay, so how can I get them all out of here safely and calmly?" It was another opportunity for me to step back, stop being so selfish and take stock in how blessed I am in my life. Sometimes I think that my staunch independence gets in the way of being able to show my emotions to those I care most about. Since Pat, I have tried to be better about that, but I still need a reminder now and then. I've got it good compared to a lot of people, so get over yourself and stop your complaining about gas prices and boys!

What I Learned at the beach:

1. Even after 3 applications of sunscreen, I still get burned.
2. Naked sunscreen application does not guarantee complete coverage.
2. I can't eat 3 large meals a day and expect my stomach to be happy about it.
3. Allergy meds+greasy food+sun=blacking out
4. A sunburned belly button is nothing to joke about.
5. Cute flipflops aren't necessarily comfortable.
6. Gay men love their short, tight swim trunks.
7. Sand is a free souvenir that finds its way into everything no matter how hard you try to shake it out.
8. The sun zaps your energy so that big night out plans turn into sitting around in your pj's chatting with friends (sometimes that's just as fun as a big night out).
9. Chelsea Handler's book is a great beach read, even better read aloud (but plug the ears on the little ones for this)
10. Kids playing beach games should be kept away from me-HELLO-I am here trying to forget about them for a few days!
11. I really did forget I had this many freckles.

Makes me that much stronger

I've been refocusing my workouts lately from heavier cardio sessions to heavier weight sessions. Partly because I feel burnt out from running, but I have always enjoyed lifting. This is to the surprise of most, "but you're so small!!" Most people stereotype weightlifters as meatheads who lift 4/5 times a week. Over the last month or so I have been trying to tone up (beach week looms in the near future) and I'm starting to see the results. I have always wanted defined arms and shoulders (more like Jen Aniston than Madonna' s major guns) and I'm finally getting to that point. Best of all is feeling so strong-figuratively and literally. Running used to be my only "zen" time, but I'm finding lifting to be as calming and peaceful. Granted, I stay in the women only lifting room at the gym, although someday I might get up the nerve to go into the free weights section of the gym.

We were on a break...

So I guess it's not really over after all. After some time away, I realized that I did like being with him. I realized that my high expectations were probably getting in the way of something that could be good. But I also realized that he's just inexperienced in terms of dating and relationships (not that I'm an expert by any means) and it's just not what I'm used to. After B's party last night we met up and hung out for a while. It was nice and relaxed and I think I just need to let things take their own course and enjoy it. I just wanted him to realize that I need my space and it's not that I don't want to see him, but that I just need a little me time. Now, we still have a few small things to work on, but for the most part, I think it'll all work out.

Oh yeah, well I jumped out a plane!!

At 9:00 am this morning, I jumped out of a plane...willingly. I didn't get nervous until I saw the small plane that they were going to throw me out of. Then reality began to sink in and I thought, "Why am I doing this again?" I let my instructor know that I throw up when nervous, so I carried a baggie with me as my air sick bag. I tried to think happy thoughts, which were replaced with a round of Hail Marys when the plane actually took off. When the plane's side opened up I was shaking all over and terrified-this was not natural. God did not intend for people to do this. I had a moment of panic as I flung myself out of the plane. Then the free fall before we pulled the shoot was actually pretty amazing. I really thought that not being in control would ruin it for me, but I was glad one of us knew what we were doing because I really didn't remember any of the techniques we learned in our 20 minutes of "training" and I could let go and enjoy the ride. After he pulled the shoot, we slowly drifted down and it was ironically peaceful. It was very calm and quiet 7,000 feet in the air! The view was something you can't appreciate while sitting and looking out of a plane's window. Looking straight down was scary and made me queasy, so I stuck to taking in the view around as he pointed out places of interest. After a little while though, I was ready to be back on the ground and was thankful for a easy landing. It took a little while for me to get my land legs back, so I parked it on the ground with my "air sick" baggie for a few minutes. The group that was waiting to go next waited to hear what I would say and all I could utter was, "Well, there's another thing I can check off my list." It was both the dumbest yet most amazing experience of my life yet. Would I do it again? HELL NO. Was it worth it, YES. I can't believe I jumped out of a plane....

It's soooo over

It's over. I ended it today. I couldn't make myself feel something that wasn't there. I know he's wondering what he did wrong. I'm a little sad, but I couldn't keep leading him on. Am I too independent for my own good? I enjoy my time alone, so I don't feel the need to have someone else around all the time, but you never know, if the right one comes along that could change.

From glamazon to bag lady in an instant

How can we go from feeling glamorous one moment to feeling like a schlumpy bag lady the next? Last night I wore my new LBD for the LBD party that I never made it to! It was one of those nights where nothing went as planned. We went to Park to find the girls and I knew they were there, but never found anyone. It was really packed and not really my vibe so we left. Now, back to the dress- It was black, very short, and tight. Definitely not my usual "going out" attire. The attention that dress gave me was unlike anything I've ever experienced. I must say, I usually accentuate my top half, so with the top being covered, who knew that a short dress would get so much attention? I really didn't!
That being said, I woke up this morning and was greeted by the schlumpy bag lady. The hairspray that held the cute style from last night has now shaped into an Amy Winehouse 'do. The raccoon eyes are awesome. Not to mention that for whatever reason, I have another mystery case of hives covering my legs and back so my "glowing" skin from last night is now blotchy and red. My feet that looked so cute in my amazing black, peep toe, patent leather pumps are blistered and swollen. Hot stuff!
Is it all in our heads or can we really change our image so dramatically in an instant? It's like that episode of Seinfeld with the girl who was beautiful one minute and then looked like a weasel in a different room, in different lighting. Well this weasel girl is in captivity today as to not scare any small children and hopefully the real me will emerge by tomorrow.

Is it me or the idea of me?

It's been a while. I have been really busy lately and haven't had much time to myself. School's busy, finding time to workout, hanging out with new guy, apartment hunting....I miss me. I am one of few people who actually enjoys solitude. I crave it. I need time to decompress and unwind after the day. Sunday is my day. I can go the whole day without talking to anyone and I'm okay with that. I don't get these people who can't spend time alone. How can you spend your time with someone else if you can't even spend time alone and enjoy it? Having someone new in my life has changed my routine. I like spending time with him, but I still need my alone time. He is having a hard time understanding that. He wants to see me or talk to me all the time. Certain friends are saying that I should want to spend all of my time with him. Really? This coming from those who spend every minute with their S.O. and then wonder why they have the "I need some space" conversation?!?! It's great having someone who wants to see me all of the time, but he needs to understand that I'm not giving up myself for him. I still need to see my friends, go out dancing, watch t.v. on the couch, and go to bed at 8 sometimes. We have a great time together and I like him, but it's still hard having someone who is so upfront about what he wants and what he thinks about me. In the back of my mind is the question that was once asked of me, "Is it really me, or the idea of me?" For now, I'm having fun and I think time will eventually answer these questions.